I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
