she looked like the before picture.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
