I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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