I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i believe in u and ur pee
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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