You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
