Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
