I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
