Kiss
Puke
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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