Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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