thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
