Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
