i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
we should paint friendship bongs
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