i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So squirting runs in the family.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
