I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
