BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
