went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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