I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
