I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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