I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
