my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
