i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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