Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize