So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
