Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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