you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
