I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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