I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
