i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
