I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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