I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
