This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
