Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize