"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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