so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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