dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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