ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
