She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
