textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
