went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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