ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
