i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
