It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
