I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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