were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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