Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
