Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
