I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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