Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
