so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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