508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
