Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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