this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
