there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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