My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize