my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
