she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
