What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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