forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
