I will die if light touches me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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