i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
