She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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