so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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