I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
