just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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