There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
