i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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