I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
