i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
