yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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