when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
