i permit you to call me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
