Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
