She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
