I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize