I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you made out with another girl for some wings
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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