My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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