just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
