hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
