it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
