K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
