so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
