Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
