a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
