I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
