Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
