it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
