I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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