Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
