does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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