I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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