and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I will die if light touches me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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