uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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