I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
