good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
