Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
