I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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