Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize