dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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