I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
