I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I supernannyed him into submission
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
