so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
