I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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