Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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