apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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