She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
