His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
